A Million Times

from Fine EP by Rosehip Teahouse

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about

A Million Times is a lot of my anxiety manifesting in a song. I was finding that I would try and mould myself into what I thought everyone else wanted from me, not realising that I was losing more and more of myself in the process. And even then, what I thought people wanted from me was usually wrong. So it was all a bit of a mess, hiding my feelings, feeling like I was ‘too much’ for anyone else in my life. It was hard to break out of the cycle, but I’m finding it easier to be myself now. A Million Times is a little reminder to myself that I don’t need to be that way anymore. - Faye Rogers

lyrics

Figuring out what it means to use space.
I guess I’ll just hide again.
I think I missed this sinking in my stomach. I think I missed the rain.
But this silence does nothing for me Unless you’re there to share the tension. And even then, I try my best to fill it up. ‘Cause I’m all teeth and panic,
Will I ever be enough?
I don’t know what it is that you need and it scares me to think that I’d reshape myself a million times to work it out.
Oh I’d love to lose myself.
I doubt you’d change for anyone,
But I still change for everyone.
I’ll start to swallow these feelings I know they’re too much to take. And I know, you didn’t ask for this. But I didn’t mean to be like this.
I don’t know what it is that you need and it scares me to think that I’d reshape myself a million times to work it out.
Oh I’d love to lose myself.
I doubt you’d change for anyone,
But I still change for everyone.

credits

from Fine EP, released December 9, 2020
Written by Faye Rogers
Produced by Thomas Rees
Mixed by Josh Dickins
Mastered by Eddie Al-Shakarchi

Rosehip Teahouse is Faye Rogers, Tony Williams, Josh Dickins, Will Dickins and Alice Low

© ℗ 2020 Big Indie Records

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Rosehip Teahouse Cardiff, UK

A twinkling descent into sadness.

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